I realized once again the truth in the old proverb, "Behind every dark cloud, there is a silver lining."

During the month of December, 2000, we had over four feet of snow in the Chicago area. Needless to say, we had less mobility for visiting friends and doing other things that are fun, meaningful and productive.

One thing that I did do was to catch up on some reading. For an old retired guy, I don? seem to have the time to read very much, something that I should do more of. One such book, a very small book, is titled "Don? Sweat the Small Stuff?nd It? All Small Stuff."

In the introduction section of the book, it states that man? greatest discovery is that human beings can alter his/her life by altering his/her attitude. The introduction goes on to say that we usually overreact, especially to adverse situations blowing things out of proportion thereby making it more difficult to resolve the problems.

The book goes on to say that there are two rules for living in harmony: #1, Don? sweat the small stuff and #2, It’s all small stuff.

We Asians know something about the Zen philosophy that says, when you learn to "let go" of problems, life begins to flow better. Most of us know the Serenity Prayer that suggests "Change the things that can be changed, accept those things that cannot be changed, and have the wisdom to know the difference. I think this is just another way of saying the same thing.

As you know, by now, one of my life? goals is to be helpful to people and situations. This little book provides many suggestions that do exactly that. So I thought I would share with you some of the thoughts that the author of this book, Dr. Richard Carlson, wrote about.

Let me acknowledge here that everything in this article, inside the quotation marks, are cited from his book titled ?on? Sweat the Small Stuff?nd It? All Small Stuff.

PRACTICE HUMILITY

"Bragging about yourself actually dilutes the positive feeling you receive from an accomplishment or something you are proud of. To make matters worse, the more you try to prove yourself to others, the more they will avoid you, talk behind your back about your insecure need to brag, and perhaps even resent you.

Ironically, however, the less you care about seeking approval, the more approval you seem to get.

Humility and inner peace go hand in hand. The less compelled you are to prove yourself to others, the easier it is to feel peace inside."

MAKE SERVICE AN INTERGRAL PART OF YOUR LIFE

"Several teachers and philosophers that I have learned from have suggested that I begin my day by asking myself the question, ?ow can I be of service? I have found this to be helpful in reminding me of the multitude of ways that I can be helpful.

When I take the time to ask this question, I find answers popping up all day long. If one of your goals is to be of help to others, you will find the appropriate ways. Your chances to be of service are endless.

The key, I believe, is to remember that being of service isn? a one-time effort. Instead, a life of service is a lifelong process, a way of thinking about life."

LET OTHERS HAVE THE GLORY

"Our need for excessive attention is that ego-centered part of us that says, ?ook at me; I? special; my story is more interesting than yours. To varying degree, most of us engage in this habit, much to our detriment.

Although it? a difficult habit to break, it? not only enjoyable but actually peaceful to have the quiet confidence to be able to surrender your need for attention, and instead, share in the joy of someone else? glory.

When you surrender your need to hog the glory, the attention you used to need from other people is replaced by a quiet inner confidence that is derived from letting others have it."

RESIST THE URGE TO CRITICIZE

"When we judge another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.

Being critical solves nothing; rather it contributes to the anger and distrust in our world, and to the negative feelings of people to ourselves.

Criticism, like swearing, is actually nothing more than a bad habit. It isn? something we are proud to admit.

The solution is to catch yourself in the act of being critical. Try to remember to say, ?here I go again. Hopefully, more often than not, I can turn my criticism into tolerance and respect."

STOP BLAMING OTHERS

"When something doesn? meet our expectations, many of us operate with the assumption that, ?hen in doubt, it must be someone else? fault.

When we are in the habit of blaming others, more often than not, we will blame others for our own anger, frustrations, depressions, stress and unhappiness.

Surely there are times when other people and/or circumstances contribute to our problems, but it is we who must rise to the occasion and take responsibility for our own happiness.

Hold yourself accountable for your own happiness.
When you?e unhappy, remind yourself that only you can make yourself happy.

Blaming others will make you feel powerless over your life because your happiness is contingent on the action and behavior of others, which you cannot control. When you stop blaming others, you will regain your sense of personal power. You will see yourself as the choice maker."

LIVE THIS DAY AS IF IT WERE YOUR LAST

"The truth is, none of us has any idea of how long we have left to live. Sadly, however, we act as if we? going to live forever.

We postpone the things that, deep down, we know we want to do telling people we love how much we care, visiting a good friend, writing a heartfelt letter, learning to meditate, becoming a better listener, and on and on. We come up with elaborate and sophisticated rationale to justify spending most of our time and energy doing things that aren? that important.

I felt it appropriate to end this book by suggesting that you live each day as if it were your last on this earth. I suggest this not as a prescription to abandon your responsibilities, but to remind you of how precious, and short, life really is.

Finally, please don? forget the most basic strategy of all, DON? SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.

EPILOGUE

The book contains 100 such ways to keep little things from taking over our lives; I have cited just 6 of the stories. Other stories, all equally helpful, are titled Make Peace With Imperfection, Develop Your Compassion, Do Something Nice For Someone Else, Become More Patient, Seek First to Understand, Think of What You Have, Instead of What You Want, Do Someone A Favor and Don? Expect One In Return, Fill Your Life With Love, Give Up the Idea that More Is Better, Keep Asking Yourself, ?hat? Really Important, etc.

I have cited 3 or 4 paragraphs from each of the stories I have selected to share with you. If you want a fuller text of each story, I would suggest that you buy the book; it is a good investment.

I write these monthly articles for one purpose; to be helpful to the members of our Korean American Community, to achieve a more meaning and productive life. I hope this article was helpful.

Joseph Yi came to America in 1940, at the age of 10, and has lived basically in the Chicago Metropolitan Area. Although Mr. Yi’s professional life was in the mainstream society, he has actively participated in the voluntary social services for the Chicago Korean community.