By David Yi

I recently celebrated my 3lst birthday in federal prison, which also happens to be my seventh birthday celebration as well as my seventh Thanksgiving Day, Christmas and New Year celebration in prison.

As I look back on my life, I remember all the joys, the pains and the sufferings that I experienced all throughout the years growing up in New York City. I also remember all the other youths that I shared these experiences with, who were not only Korean but also from other foreign countries around the world.

I realize now that although many Korean American youths face common problems at home, at school or among friends, it is a problem that exists among youth from all ethnic groups.

As I lived the "gangster life" in New York City, it was evident that I would face either death or prison, and fortunately, so to speak, I faced the latter. As the saying goes, "Those who live by the gun, die by the gun." I had escaped death several times as I was shot at many times, and as I experienced many other near-death situations.

Death is always something that people are afraid of because they are either too attached to this world, or they are afraid of what lies ahead after they die. The thought of going to hell for all eternity is one that many people choose to ignore or not think about.

Experiencing death is something that is inescapable in life, and we must all face it sooner or later. However, in some instances, people invite death by taking chances in reckless behavior, drinking excessive alcohol, taking drugs, committing suicide, or being in an environment that increase the chance of death. Then there are others that are killed in an accident, by the actions of other people, or by some terminal illness or natural means.

In any event, experiencing the death of a loved one is always painful and difficult to bear, and we must understand that as we came into this world with nothing, we will one day leave with nothing. My experiences with losing friends and loved ones had shown me this as they took nothing with them to their graves.

My very first experiences of losing someone were the deaths of my grandfathers and uncles. However, it did not affect me as much at that time because I was very young, and I really did not know them at all.

I realized the reality of death for the first time over l3 years ago when I lost two friends in one summer as I came back from a trip from Chicago. One of them was a l5 year old Korean girl whose name was Linda. She was found stabbed to death in her home in Elmhurst, New York.

Linda was a student at Stuyvesant High School, which was one of the best academic public high schools in New York City. She was intelligent, beautiful, outgoing, and kind in her own way, but her friendship with gang members is what I believe got her killed.

Then, there was my l8 year old Paraguayan friend, Mario. He committed suicide in his own parents home by inhaling carbon monoxide from a car in the garage because his parents were upset at him for having been arrested.

Mario had a dispute with his ex-girlfriend and broke into her house to retrieve his belongings. His ex-girlfriend later called the police to press charges against him for breaking and entering, and they arrested him.

I learned later on the same day that Mario took his life, that he had called my house several times asking for me. However, I was in Chicago at the time, and to this day, I ask myself if I could have done anything to prevent him from committing suicide had I been around in New York.

Years later, as I became involved in notorious Chinatown street gang in New York, I lost three Chinese friends who were also fellow gang members. James was only l9 years old when a rival gang member shot him with a rifle from a building across the street where we hung out on Pell Street.

One hour before James was killed, he had gotten his fortune read by an old Chinese fortune teller on the corner of Pell Street. He told James that he would experience many near-death experiences until the age of 30, and that if he was to survive all of them, he would live a long life. Otherwise, he told him to be careful for the next ten years. Although I personally do not believe in fortune tellers, I do believe that James? ill fate happened that day because he chose to live the gangster life.

Willie was only in his early twenties when he was shot during a gang shoot-out during the daytime in Chinatown. He was advised by fellow gang members to go to school or go to work. But, he chose to live the gangster life, and paid for it with his life at such a young age.

John was a bit older, close to his 30?, when he was found dead with his Korean girlfriend in a Flushing apartment. Some speculated the incident as being a homicide and a suicide after a lover? quarrel, but I guess only God knows.

John was in several famous Chinatown gang movies like "The Year of the Dragon," "China Girl", and "Tongs", and had a possibility of becoming an actor. I personally remember telling him myself to leave the gangster life and pursue a career. However, he chose to not listen, and ended up wanted for murder, where he later ended up dead himself.

The latest experience of a loss of a friend was a fellow gang member who was a 24 year old Filipino name Greg. He had been convicted in the New York State Courts for first-degree murder, after he killed rival gang members, and was serving a sentence of 25 years to life.

Years later, he was also convicted in the federal courts for R.I.C.O.(Racketeer Influenced Corrupt Organization), which is also the reason why I am serving time now in federal prison. He was in a federal correctional center in Manhattan, waiting to be sentenced and was being placed under strenuous conditions by the federal prosecutor that would make anyone frustrated. During this time, he learned that his wife wanted to leave him, and he then committed a gruesome suicide.

In between those years, I had also experienced the loss of close friends of the family and my friends family members, that had also opened my eyes to death. However, it was the loss of all my young friends that had really left scars in my mind, and it reminds me each day to thank God for keeping me alive to this day.

After losing so many young friends and attending so many funerals at a young age, you realize that death is real, and that anything can happen to a person at any moment in time. For this reason, we must live our lives daily as though we might be living our last day or minute, and really think about the things that we might say or do to God, others that we love, and ourselves before we can never undo the things that we might later regret.

As many Koreans and other immigrants come to live the American Dream, it becomes a nightmare for them when their loved one or family member ends up dead or in prison, or ends up destroying their lives.

I have seen it so many times within our own Korean communities, where the parents struggle and work long hours to achieve the American Dream or more, and where they do not spend enough time listening and guiding their youths as they grow up in this harsh world.

As they work hard to buy that nice house, that nice car, and all the things that life has to offer for their family, they only later come back to their new home to find it empty with no family because their family has either been destroyed or broken apart.

Through observing this, I learned that being a good parent does not only mean providing your children with the temporary things and opportunities of this world that they can enjoy in this lifetime and never take with them when they die. But rather being a good parent means teaching your children to value the more important things in life like God, family, and the ones we love.

These are the things that all parents are obligated to teach their children, but more importantly, listening and communicating with them is crucial to being a good teacher and parent.

In retrospect, as I reminisce on my past and the ill fate of my young friends behind these prison walls. I thank God that He has given me a better outlook on life and death.

And although I may now be serving time in federal prison, I thank God for giving me more than a second chance in life where I can do and say the things that my young friends who have passed away can no longer say or do. Mostly, I thank Him for giving me the faith, wisdom, knowledge, and experience to teach others realize what I have learned all these years through my own experiences and those of my friends.

As for my young friends who have passed away, the memories of my experiences with them are still alive in my mind and my heart, and I will share them with those that need to learn that there are always consequences to our actions in everything that we do, even after death.

As for all the parents that are trying so hard to achieve the American Dream, I would like to remind them that providing your children with the better things that life has to offer is always good. Nevertheless, the most important thing is not to forget that your children need your love, time, patience, understanding and guidance the most as we now live in a culture that is different from what was expected in Korea, our motherland.

For any comments, please write to: David Yi, #36535-054 P.O Box l0 Lisbon, Ohio 44432