Mrs. Smith shivered as she broke down.

"I am so sad and lonely," she said with a wet voice. "And, I feel so insecure and so unprotected. It feels like I am a 2-year-old child naked on the beach looking for someone to come and help me. Right now in my life, there is no one around to cover and protect me. Even if I am sitting next my husband like this, I feel alone most of the time. I am so lonely."

Her crying grew louder until she couldn? stop sobbing. Her body shook like a leaf while her husband and I, sat silently. Feeling her incredible emotional pang, I handed her a tissue. At the same time, I wondered what was going on in Mr. Smith? mind. He appeared frozen in his chair.

"Maybe it? the holidays, maybe I am just homesick," Mrs. Smith continued. "Maybe I miss my mother so much. I don? know anything anymore. On New Year? Day, I made a pot of rice as if guests were coming to visit us. My husband couldn? understand why I did that."

Mr. Smith remained quietly in his seat, with a puzzled facial expression, not knowing quite what to do.

The couple had met 30 years ago when Mr. Smith was stationed in Korea and have been married ever since. Although they had come to see me with an idea of "improving their relationship," they both seemed to be in need of individual therapy as opposed to a couple? therapy.

She was very depressed; he was frightened and fearful.

"He treated me like a queen in the beginning," she said. "Then, I don? remember at what point, I realized I wasn? being treated the same." Mrs. Smith let out a deep sight.

"That? remarkable. Mr. Smith, how did you do that? I haven? heard many women say such a thing. So, you treated Mrs. Smith like a queen," I said, encouraging Mr. Smith to talk.

With a touch of grimace on his face, Mr. Smith broke the silence. "I don? know how or what? did to her to feel like that. It left me, I guess," he said.

"Did you know that your wife feels lonely even sitting next to you?" I asked him again.

"I have more problems than she has. I am stressed out with her demands at home and my boss demands at work. I have enough of my own problems," he said, opening up more.

I encouraged them to express their struggles and conflicts, and I asked them to listen to each other.

"We haven? talked like this for a long time," Mr. Smith said. "When I come home after a hard day, she starts to nag. I know the routine, so I turn off my ears."

"Mr. Smith, I am just wondering what would you do when your wife is crying?" I asked him toward the end of this session.
"Well, I would hug her and comfort her," he answered.

"Mr. Smith, could you then tell me what stopped you from doing that when your wife couldn? stop crying at the beginning of this session?" I asked him.

"Well, I haven? done that for a while," he responded. "Even the hope of getting better left me, I guess."

"Could you now practice what you said," I suggested to him.

They hugged to each other.

Marriage is a piece of art work that requires on-going nurturing, an openness to accept, and a positive attitude to work out conflicts instead of avoiding them. Acknowledging one another? difficulties and suffering is the first step in opening up, and then cultivating a positive attitude to work as a team.

By talking out and listening to each other, we can release the unnecessary and unhealthy tension that stem from misunderstandings. When we are stressful, we become blind to our inner power that can free us. Likewise, when couple is tangled with many of daily life problem, they, too, become blind to recognizing strength within their relationship that can liberate them.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith have unrecognized the strength in them. Otherwise, their marital relationship could not have lasted for thirty years.

Perhaps during this difficult time, they need to look for signs of caring and kindness from each other.
Talking out our stories that are full of sorrow and pain is a way of diffusing the dark feelings that trap us. Listening to each other is a sign of "a hope to get better" as Mr. Smith put it.

When our mind is calm and clear, we can recognize that we have within us the power to heal unbearable pain and sorrow. With this realization of openness and clarity, we can offer a gift of forgiveness to our loved ones.
Such insightful movements toward accepting each other? weakness will strengthen the marriage.